Oral Sex: Returning the Favor

Oral sex (head, blowjob, going downtown, or whatever those crazy kids are calling it these days) may be used as an appetizer or a meal unto itself. For many people, this is a two way street. I do you, and then you do me. For others, it’s like driving the wrong way up a one-way street. I do you, and then….WAIT….where are you going? Are we done?!?! No matter what type of relationship, the issue of returning the favor when it comes to oral sex is one that everyone faces. The question is: Does the favor have to be returned?
The current trend is that women are somehow required to give oral, but men aren’t held to these same standards. Men go into sexual relations (I love Bill Clinton for making that phrase popular) expecting oral and are highly disappointed when their expectations aren’t met. Some even consider it a make or break issue. Yet, a lot of women live with the fact that they don’t receive in return. Some women don’t even venture to ask if their man is willing to do it; as if it’s taboo or something. While there are men who love to do it and may volunteer to favor you without being asked to do so, the majority of men don’t offer this service, even if they don’t hate doing it. Is it that they just would rather not if they don’t have to? If so, that’s very selfish.
Whether it’s due to lack of skill/technique, previous bad experiences, or personal insecurities, there are people who just do not like the thought of oral. Putting their mouths on someone’s “naughty bits” is not their idea of fun. The vagina is like a complex maze and you have to be willing to go exploring. And the penis is likened to a snake for a reason (I’ve always felt that there was something sinister about it). Some people are just not that adventurous. Others don’t enjoy seafood or are allergic to cats and/or bananas. Oral is not an option for them and as their sex partner, you have to decide for yourself if you want to keep giving without receiving.
Some consider it a selfish act to not return the favor because all the attention is on the satisfaction of one partner (usually the man), not both. But as some of you know, a lot of people get turned on by turning their partners on. Giving oral can be empowering when you realize that you have the ability to make someone else feel sooo goood. The flip side of the oral problem is that many women get too lost in their head worrying about things like odor, taste, hair, time of the month, etc. to really enjoy themselves. Oral sex is not some evil concoction of the porn industry to make you feel sexually inadequate (or is it?). It’s supposed to be fun. RELAX! Sit back and enjoy. If you’re concerned about odors, catch her (or him: guys aren’t always so fresh and clean themselves) right out of the shower to ensure an Irish Spring fresh scent (or whatever Bath & Body Works scent she’s currently obsessed with).
My opinion is that no one should be forced to do anything they don’t want to. It’s completely voluntary. The word ‘favor’, according to dictionary.com, means ‘something done or granted out of goodwill; a kind act; a gift”. With that being said, it would be nice for your partner to also do a kind act by giving you the gift of oral. The issue of returning the favor is more like a multi-lane highway in midday traffic. Like life, it’s complicated.

Tease

I’ve been told that I have a flirtatious personality by a lot of people. I laugh and smile a lot, I’m ‘handsy’. And being that 90% of my friends are male, I’m just as raunchy and sexually explicit as they are. I’m OK with the way I am because I know that I’m not actually flirting with anyone. To me, no boundaries have been crossed. Yet some guys feel I may have been leading them on.

Then there are girls, however, who blatantly flirt with men they have no interest in dating or taking it to the next level. Regardless of whether they are single, dating, or in a relationship, they make themselves appear “down for anything”, yet shy away when the time comes. Whether we want to admit it or not, girls have the ability (call it a gift and a curse) to tease men. A quick kiss here, a tight hug there, even going so far as to explicitly say what she would do if given the opportunity. But when opportunity knocks, she doesn’t answer. Fact is: Women tease men, whether intentionally or not. But some present themselves as open and available, then do an about face at the last minute, leaving the guy in a sticky and confusing situation (pun intended). My question is: Why do girls tease men? And how do men feel about it?

I can’t tell you how many articles I’ve read in female magazines titled “How to Tease Your Man and Make Him Want You!” Type in the keywords ‘how to make your man’ and Google responds with….jealous, feel special, fall in love with you, and turned on. Now, this is all good and dandy if she has good intentions and plans to follow through. But girls who tease in order to manipulate men and get their way are of a different mold. This kind of teasing is all about the deceitful promise of sex; it's a deliberate abuse of female sexual power. They lie, bat their eyelashes, wear their come hither outfit, and seduce men for a number of reasons including but not to limited to the need for attention, financial security, and even just for the fun of it and the sadistic pleasure they take in causing pain.

Many women who tease are high-maintenance and have inflated egos that some men are more than willing to stroke if it comes with a night in the sheets। Conversely, many teasers have low self-esteem and use their sexuality to hide their insecurities. Teasing can also cause trust issues in men who have been duped by these women, possibly leading them to respect women, as a whole, less. I’m not saying females should “put out” because they said they would; everyone has the right to say no. But don’t say you will if you never intended to at all.