First Impressions: Sex Appeal

Sophia Loren once said, “Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got”. I’ve always wondered about the many factors that makes one ‘attractive’. When we first meet someone, there are those few precious minutes, sometimes only seconds, during which we somehow manage to accept or decline them based on the notion of “sex appeal”. We all have our likes and dislikes, but how does one really decide if they are interested?
There are those obvious sexually charged environments such as bars, clubs, or even a one-on one date, where both parties enter the room and are actively looking to find someone sexy or not. But what about everyday situations, the random people we meet and interact with as we live our lives? Imagine this (Facebook can wait): You’re walking down the street and someone steps on your foot. You look up (to curse them out, no doubt) and 45 seconds later, you realize you find this person appealing. What were your criteria? Was it purely physical (his fit body, her big breasts?) or was it more personal (her smile, his touch?)? For some people, it’s one or the other. For others, it’s both.
Most people think of sex appeal as the quality or power to attract someone sexually. I believe that sex appeal entails more than just sexuality. It’s not only about flaunting one’s body or showing skin, the physical attributes. Sex appeal can also be defined as an immediate appeal or obvious potential to interest or excite others, as by appearance, style, or charm. For example, people find confidence sexy. Yet confidence is a personal characteristic, not a physical attribute. So what makes it ‘sexy’? “Confidence is sexy because the person is sure of themselves and their capabilities. And they’ll be even more likely to use their sexy tricks” says ‘Otter'.
“You may feel that sex appeal is something you have or don’t have. But it’s actually within your control. You can adjust your level of sexual expression to make others feel comfortable around you and to take the relationship to another level- or should you choose- to create a closer bond, flirt playfully, or pursue romance. You can leave others with a desire to know more about you and get closer to you. Likewise, if you want to limit the extent of the relationship, you can rein in your sexual expression.” says authors Ann Demarais and Valerie White in their book titled “First Impressions: What You Don't Know about How Others See You”.
There are many things that can make one sexually appealing without having to resort to short skirts and muscle tight tees (shout out to Jersey Shore!). For instance, I find touching to be sexy. To reach out and touch someone is a personal thing and done right, it can leave that person feeling “attracted” to you. A light touch on the shoulder, a rub on the back, or even a heartfelt handshake can leave a person with the sense that a connection was made, even if they didn’t initially find you sexually attractive. Having a personality is VERY sexy. You can have George Clooney and Denzel Washington DNA, but if your personality sucks, I will choose the less hot guy to go out with. Having personal allure, a sense of playfulness (not taking your celebrity like beauty too seriously), and being open is also appealing. It invites people to get to know you, regardless of their first impression. It’s that certain “je ne sais quoi” that keeps them coming back.
“It’s always physical at first because that’s just what you see. But then it goes downhill from there because everyone’s messed up”, Abdullah, “but I can definitely find someone appealing after talking to them even if I wasn’t attracted to what I saw at first. Personality always wins in the end”. Otter disagrees: “You can’t have sex with a personality”. Unfortunately, that is a sad fact.

Oral Sex: Returning the Favor

Oral sex (head, blowjob, going downtown, or whatever those crazy kids are calling it these days) may be used as an appetizer or a meal unto itself. For many people, this is a two way street. I do you, and then you do me. For others, it’s like driving the wrong way up a one-way street. I do you, and then….WAIT….where are you going? Are we done?!?! No matter what type of relationship, the issue of returning the favor when it comes to oral sex is one that everyone faces. The question is: Does the favor have to be returned?
The current trend is that women are somehow required to give oral, but men aren’t held to these same standards. Men go into sexual relations (I love Bill Clinton for making that phrase popular) expecting oral and are highly disappointed when their expectations aren’t met. Some even consider it a make or break issue. Yet, a lot of women live with the fact that they don’t receive in return. Some women don’t even venture to ask if their man is willing to do it; as if it’s taboo or something. While there are men who love to do it and may volunteer to favor you without being asked to do so, the majority of men don’t offer this service, even if they don’t hate doing it. Is it that they just would rather not if they don’t have to? If so, that’s very selfish.
Whether it’s due to lack of skill/technique, previous bad experiences, or personal insecurities, there are people who just do not like the thought of oral. Putting their mouths on someone’s “naughty bits” is not their idea of fun. The vagina is like a complex maze and you have to be willing to go exploring. And the penis is likened to a snake for a reason (I’ve always felt that there was something sinister about it). Some people are just not that adventurous. Others don’t enjoy seafood or are allergic to cats and/or bananas. Oral is not an option for them and as their sex partner, you have to decide for yourself if you want to keep giving without receiving.
Some consider it a selfish act to not return the favor because all the attention is on the satisfaction of one partner (usually the man), not both. But as some of you know, a lot of people get turned on by turning their partners on. Giving oral can be empowering when you realize that you have the ability to make someone else feel sooo goood. The flip side of the oral problem is that many women get too lost in their head worrying about things like odor, taste, hair, time of the month, etc. to really enjoy themselves. Oral sex is not some evil concoction of the porn industry to make you feel sexually inadequate (or is it?). It’s supposed to be fun. RELAX! Sit back and enjoy. If you’re concerned about odors, catch her (or him: guys aren’t always so fresh and clean themselves) right out of the shower to ensure an Irish Spring fresh scent (or whatever Bath & Body Works scent she’s currently obsessed with).
My opinion is that no one should be forced to do anything they don’t want to. It’s completely voluntary. The word ‘favor’, according to dictionary.com, means ‘something done or granted out of goodwill; a kind act; a gift”. With that being said, it would be nice for your partner to also do a kind act by giving you the gift of oral. The issue of returning the favor is more like a multi-lane highway in midday traffic. Like life, it’s complicated.

Tease

I’ve been told that I have a flirtatious personality by a lot of people. I laugh and smile a lot, I’m ‘handsy’. And being that 90% of my friends are male, I’m just as raunchy and sexually explicit as they are. I’m OK with the way I am because I know that I’m not actually flirting with anyone. To me, no boundaries have been crossed. Yet some guys feel I may have been leading them on.

Then there are girls, however, who blatantly flirt with men they have no interest in dating or taking it to the next level. Regardless of whether they are single, dating, or in a relationship, they make themselves appear “down for anything”, yet shy away when the time comes. Whether we want to admit it or not, girls have the ability (call it a gift and a curse) to tease men. A quick kiss here, a tight hug there, even going so far as to explicitly say what she would do if given the opportunity. But when opportunity knocks, she doesn’t answer. Fact is: Women tease men, whether intentionally or not. But some present themselves as open and available, then do an about face at the last minute, leaving the guy in a sticky and confusing situation (pun intended). My question is: Why do girls tease men? And how do men feel about it?

I can’t tell you how many articles I’ve read in female magazines titled “How to Tease Your Man and Make Him Want You!” Type in the keywords ‘how to make your man’ and Google responds with….jealous, feel special, fall in love with you, and turned on. Now, this is all good and dandy if she has good intentions and plans to follow through. But girls who tease in order to manipulate men and get their way are of a different mold. This kind of teasing is all about the deceitful promise of sex; it's a deliberate abuse of female sexual power. They lie, bat their eyelashes, wear their come hither outfit, and seduce men for a number of reasons including but not to limited to the need for attention, financial security, and even just for the fun of it and the sadistic pleasure they take in causing pain.

Many women who tease are high-maintenance and have inflated egos that some men are more than willing to stroke if it comes with a night in the sheets। Conversely, many teasers have low self-esteem and use their sexuality to hide their insecurities. Teasing can also cause trust issues in men who have been duped by these women, possibly leading them to respect women, as a whole, less. I’m not saying females should “put out” because they said they would; everyone has the right to say no. But don’t say you will if you never intended to at all.

lets talk about sex baby

ok so im changing the focus of my blog and making it more about something i actually care about. not to say i don't care about myself but...sex is a whole lot more interesting. I guess im making a public forum to discuss sex issues including but not limited to: sexual acts and experiences as well as sex education, safe sex topics, lesbian and gay issues/sex as well as abstinence and abortion issues.

i personally feel that people should not be afraid to talk about sex. People do it, and that's just a fact. If you're not, your thinking about it, and that, my friends, is also a fact. Sex is supposed to be an expression of love.. supposed to be. So feel free to express yourselves.

coming soon:
Are You a User?
"Unconventional" Sexual Relationships
Sexuality: From Prudes to Freaks, and those in Between
STDs: Seriously, Use a Condom and GYT
Talking About Sex: Use Your Words, Not Your Hands, Perv
...and many more

welcome

Hey, my name is naomi. 19 going on 40, and im kinda crazy. my life is a fast paced world yet i never seem to get anything done. i have a fun personality, id say. i laugh, crack jokes, im sarcastic as hell, good friend, hard worker, great girlfriend... in other words im perfect. right. im neurotic, silly, and an excellent procrastinator. me in a nutshell.

i dont know why i started this blog, but i figured since i like writing, like sharing my opinions, and am much smarter and wordly than most i should take the time to share my knowledge with the world. and what a f**ked up world it is. but ill leave that for the next blog.

okay. so what to write? well its october, so in a college students life that means MIDTERMS. forgive me for actually saying that horrific word but yes MIDTERMS are right around the damn corner. Tests, papers, studying, teaching yourself what you should have learned in class but slept through on top of work, friends, family, and life. any tips on managing said schedule should be left and would be greatly appreciated.

also i need some tips on what to blog about. this is probably going to end up as my online journal... random quotes, poems, jokes etc. those who know me should leave a comment.